Why are you crying?
Standing with the City beneath your feet
Under these thousands of lights
Tell me again, why are you crying?
You have style - charm
And beauty
But no heart
No passion at all
You are an empty shell
Left behind on the sand
Deteriorating - fading away
In a crowd - barely missed
You are alone
Completely and utterly - alone
The City is big and yet
You have no one
These city lights are blinding
Lost forever and never
Coming back
That's why you're crying.
I absolutely love this poem. IT brings real life to a pretty abstract painting where the artist is playing with the notion of pointillism in graphic arts. The only criticism I have is the last line; poettry really wants to allow the reader to arrive at conclusions, so being pretty heavy-handed about the meaning is not what you want to do unless you are using that voice on purpose.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really cool poem, it does so many things at once. It questions, compliments, and states facts towards the painting, or whatever your talking about. Your voice is very unique in this, and is different from a lot of your other poems, so it's interesting to read. I love the way you use the dash in the third stanza, it really flows beautifully. My only critic is that you use the dash a lot and for different affects, so it is a little confusing, but that might just be me. Great job Morgie!!!
ReplyDeleteI would like to go out on a limb here and say that this is the best poem I've read by a classmate...ever. The wording was sophisticated and that really made the poem for.
ReplyDeleteI really liked that poem. You interpreted the painting in a cool way and turned it into a really really good poem. The poem was a little depressing but your wording was really nice and you got your point across but at the same time made the poem sound very sophisticated. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really cool poem in the fact that it made the reader think. It was really good and I don't know what you could change. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good poem the first stanza really drew in the readers attention. I liked who you made the poem as if you were talking to the girl in the painting and the girl was the reader.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem Morgan. I really like how you asked a question and answered it, and maybe Mr. Johnson is right, but I like the poem this way if you did it for effect. I wish I knew how to write poetry like you do. This is awesome. I have no criticism.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was absolutely fascinating! You took that tear in her eye and wrote about it with passion. I also saw this painting at the art museum. When I looked at it, I couldn't quite get past the cartoon style yet this poem rebuilt my impression.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was really good! Like Ryan said; this poem rebuilt my impression for the painting too. I completely agree with your authors note because I think the poem does an amazing job of describing the painting. Good job!
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