Water rolling in massive waves down the great river
toward the dreadful cliff
You watch as it passes you
and you start to wonder why
you find it so...
beautiful
It's violent
It's deadly
One step into it
and you're gone
so why do you find it so....
stunning
Maybe it's the way
the sun glints off its surface
like billions of mirrors
Maybe it's its natural, raw state
that not even you can control
Maybe you find it's beauty
in its anger
you find that it is so beautiful,
that it's so.....
out of control
You like its mesmerizing effect
the way you can't look away
you find that
you love it
I'm really not sure about this so tell me what you think.
ReplyDeleteI like it. It flows very nicely.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great poem, though be careful of you're word choice. Somewhere in the middle was very similar to one of your classmates poem.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good poem, I like the repetition and it has a good flow to it. Maybe next time don't split up the lines so much to help continue the thought. But other than that it was great job :)
ReplyDeleteWho's this anonymous person? That kind of scares me! I agree, though, this only took me like 15 minutes and I really tried to think of something. I think if I spent more time on it I would have thought of something. Sorry:(
ReplyDeleteHaha no you shouldn't be sorry, this is a great poem. I also agree with her that maybe you shouldn't split the lines up so much because when you go to the next line you kind of lose the mental picture that you had on the last one. But I really liked the way you described the different possibilities how people could get caught in the water's beauty. Good job! :)
ReplyDeleteyes it flowed very nice. haha people have been using puns without knowing it. Anyways, it was very good. My suggestion was use the "..." in every verse. This sounded really good though.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is Wonderful Morgan.I love how you sneaked(Wait...is that a word?)repetition in there.
ReplyDeleteGreat poem! It flows very nicely!
ReplyDelete~Katelyn
this is a really good poem. I like the way you took a bit of a differnt turn on ftom others I have read.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Caitlin. It is very different from other poems I have read but in a good way. The repition was great good job Morgan.
ReplyDeletethat's awesome!!! it was really good and flow very nicely. i liked the whole it's just so... and then you put something. Very good job:)
ReplyDeleteI really like it too! Next time, like others have said, try not to space the lines out to much.....
ReplyDeleteI love the repitition you used in the poem! The whole "So why do you find it so" and all the "maybe"s. As others have said, just be sure to not space it out so much so that we don't have to scroll down, causing us to lose our train of thought on the poem.
ReplyDeleteI loved the way the poem flowed, and I personally disagree with spacing the lines out. It wouldn't have flowed as well if you change it. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteThat was a very nice poem. You used a lot of repitition, which is very good in a poem. You used a lot of "Maybe it's" or "Maybe you" during the poem. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI can see a picture in my mind unfold. That was a really well wirtten poem. I liked it a lot. I felt like I was standing right there watching the water flow past my nice. Overall, very well written.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the poem. Not just the flow, which everyone seems to be talking about, but the idea that you want to wonder what the attraction is. This way you speak to the human condition, which is what good literature does, just like we said in class. i would look to revise the piece so that there was more construction to the lines, that is, more purposeful delivery of the language, the sound, the pacing.
ReplyDelete