Author Note: I added to this so I really don't know if it's any good. I don't really think it's very creepy but I guess it depends on the person.
Her hair flows around her face as she runs through the forest. Snow falls around her, getting stuck in her hair and face but melting right away from her body heat. The cold, harsh air reddens her nose and her lungs pulsate, trying hard to keep up with her. She can feel him close behind her. She can't stop running or he'll get her. Heavy footsteps are close behind and she can hear his struggling breath making it seem like he's only feet away. She screams out of frustration, what did she do? Why doesn't he just give up already? It doesn't make sense how she could be in a place so peaceful and white and she's here running for her life. She wants to live. She doesn't want death. She wants to see her family, her friends and even those people she hates. She wants anything but this terrible feeling, that's making her chest burst with fury and sadness and thrill and terror. She's at her breaking point. But up ahead she can see the exit from the woods.
She hears his footsteps race for a second longer and then they were gone. She thought she'd be happy when they ended but she's not, she wants to know where he went but a second later he grabs her from behind. She screams and it echos through the tight maze of trees. They fall down the steep cliff and she keeps screaming and with every second that passes they hurtle closer and closer toward the rocky, uneven ground. Her head hits a boulder jutting from the rock face. Warm liquid runs down her face and her long brown hair sticks to her skin, her eyelids flutter. She's going unconscious and she's exserting every ounce of strength to stay alive for just one more second but right as she closes her eyes, she swears that far off in the distance she can hear a siren. Always, a tiny bit too late but maybe she'll wake up, just maybe.
Her hair flows around her face as she runs through the forest. Snow falls around her, getting stuck in her hair and face but melting right away from her body heat. The cold, harsh air reddens her nose and her lungs pulsate, trying hard to keep up with her. She can feel him close behind her. She can't stop running or he'll get her. Heavy footsteps are close behind and she can hear his struggling breath making it seem like he's only feet away. She screams out of frustration, what did she do? Why doesn't he just give up already? It doesn't make sense how she could be in a place so peaceful and white and she's here running for her life. She wants to live. She doesn't want death. She wants to see her family, her friends and even those people she hates. She wants anything but this terrible feeling, that's making her chest burst with fury and sadness and thrill and terror. She's at her breaking point. But up ahead she can see the exit from the woods.
She hears his footsteps race for a second longer and then they were gone. She thought she'd be happy when they ended but she's not, she wants to know where he went but a second later he grabs her from behind. She screams and it echos through the tight maze of trees. They fall down the steep cliff and she keeps screaming and with every second that passes they hurtle closer and closer toward the rocky, uneven ground. Her head hits a boulder jutting from the rock face. Warm liquid runs down her face and her long brown hair sticks to her skin, her eyelids flutter. She's going unconscious and she's exserting every ounce of strength to stay alive for just one more second but right as she closes her eyes, she swears that far off in the distance she can hear a siren. Always, a tiny bit too late but maybe she'll wake up, just maybe.
That is really good. It also is creepy. You really get a vivid picture in your head while you read it. I can't think of any suggestions right now but if I do I will post them. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good, creepy, and suspenseful. The symbolism is great and so is the structure of the whole thing
ReplyDeletewow morgan. that was superrr good, the beginning almost sounds too happy though! thats just me. Jeez i think you should make a beginning and an end and turn the poem into a story! its super good.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Alaina it is very suspenseful, and after reading it it's making me wonder, why was he chasing her?
ReplyDeleteGood story!
ReplyDeleteI meant for the beginning to be kind of happy so that the end would be even sadder. I don't know if it worked though but oh well.
ReplyDeleteYeah I think it worked and this was great and definitely ironic!
ReplyDeleteThis is really good. I got a really good picture of what was going on. Nice Job!
ReplyDeleteWhy was he chasing her and why was she running? You really paint a good picture.
ReplyDelete